Just Me?

I've been noticing a not-so-new trend in the traditional worship setting. It's something that I'm not a big fan of, but I'm not sure if it's just me or everybody else.

Doesn't worship nowadays seem like a utopic setting? I might be wrong here, but most songs that I see churches singing deal with us acting as if we are perfect people in the presence of God. For example, I recently sang a song that centered around how much "I" love God. This love seemed so deep that "I" couldn't even imagine sinning, but that's not how I feel.

We also sang about "our holy desires" and the fact that there is nothing we desire more than God. Maybe my theological wheels were spinning too fast at the time, but I couldn't help but think that every time we sin, we slap God in the face with our desires.

During the entire worship set all I could do is sit there. I couldn't sing. I couldn't worship. Yet, for some reason, everybody around me was singing like it was their last chance to. It must just be me that feels like a shattered soul, unworthy for the love bestowed on me. I know the theology behind imputed righteousness and justification. In fact, I can't get enough of it, but when it comes to worshipping God like this, I have trouble doing it.

The times that I can worship God with the entire depth of my lungs and heart is when we sing songs full of angst. Songs that are centered around God being perfect, me being broken, unworthy, sinful, and made righteous by the blood. It is those songs that I'm able to worship God with. They seem to be more in line with how feel in front of God.

But it may just be me.